The trouble is, I LOVE food. Food is life. I maintain that the food lovers among us are better prepared for the impending dystopian hellscape lifestyle. But things that should be treats have become the norm – takeaways, cakes, sweeties…. and no amount of eating a salad for lunch will counteract the damage all that does to my body. Trust me, I WISH I was one of those fabulous ladies that’s comfortable at any size. There are so many confidently beautiful people on my insta feed. I wish I could be them. But I’m not.
There are a whole load of demons I don’t want to fight in order to achieve the status of BoPo goddess. I hate that I barely fit into Primark clothes anymore, and I DEFINITELY can’t shop in H&M. My wardrobe is full of beautiful clothes I’ve hardly worn because I out-fatted them too quickly. The feel of fabric resting on my rolls and stretching around my Extra Parts when I’m sitting down is horrible. Knowing that I’m technically too heavy for my bike worries me. Being too heavy to do certain activities is soul crushing. And I won’t do it anymore. I can’t do it anymore.
So, Slimming World it is. Back in 2012 I lost two and a half stone (I think) following the plan at home. Myself and my housemate did REALLY well. Since then I’ve tried again probably a dozen times and never quite had the same success. That’s why I decided the plan didn’t work for me. But it MUST. I’ve done it before! When I last weighed myself I had to sit down and have a Big Long Think about what to do next. Slimming World may have not worked several times, but it is still the ONLY thing that has ever worked for me, besides being a teenager, which unfortunately I can’t just pay for a subscription for.
After much analysis of why Slimming World became the enemy, I’ve made a plan. The main reason I’ve got frustrated in the past and given up is that it feels like you have to do it forever. No cakes ever again without counting syns. No more Papa Johns ever. Completely guilt-free buffets out of the window. And I just end up thinking “I can’t do this”. Hell, I want to LIVE my life, I want to EAT my life. So here’s the solution: I get a 12 week countdown membership. Then I’ll HAVE to go for 12 weeks because I’ve paid for it, and I won’t feel like I’m doing it FOREVER. Then at the end of the 12 weeks, I can keep going, or I can be happy with what I’ve lost and go eat a cake.
Sometimes trying to imagine a problem all in one go is too big. The amount of weight I want to lose overall is too big. I’m going to do it right this time and start with one small step. Walking through that door again and committing to losing whatever I can for a defined period of time – 12 weeks. Then in my moments where it’s hard and I feel like quitting, all I have to think is “it’s only 12 weeks”.
I’m looking forward to eating A LOT, but also losing weight. Really, I’m hoping that weight falls off because I do not like it. The only think I think now might trip me up is wanting too much too soon. I need to adjust my expectations so I’m not disappointed at weigh in. It’s better to lose more than expected, so I’m going to get in the mindset that anything off is a step in the right direction.